Monthly Archives: May 2015

Observing Vs. Judging

Judging mean girls

“Whatever foul mud might lie at the bottom of my private pond, it supports some healthy and useful growths.” ~ Claire Rayner

I have been paying attention to judging for the past 2-3 years.  If you start to pay attention, you notice it’s something most of us do all day long.  We think:  “That’s good, that’s bad, that’s weird, that’s ugly, that’s cute…”    We have an opinion about everything that comes across our senses.  We needed judgement to survive when we were cave men and women.  But do we really need it now?

We should have an opinion about whether we want something or not.  If something is affecting us, we can decide not to be involved with that event or person, but if it doesn’t have anything to do with us, why do we judge?  It doesn’t help anyone if we think so and so’s skirt is ugly or if we don’t like our friend’s date or life choices…  If it doesn’t affect us, we can just move on.  If we don’t understand someone’s choice, it doesn’t mean our opinion is wanted, needed or even correct.

I like to observe people to try to understand what motivates them.   What makes them decide one thing over another, one relationship over another or even a way of life over another.  We are not in their shoes, so we really don’t know what is best for them.  We know what we see and what they have shared, but we don’t know the whole picture.  We can only know what we think they should do or what we think we would do. We live our whole lives with all our experiences, trials and lessons from parents, teachers and whomever left an impression on us and we base our lives on those teachings until we examine them and decide if there are some lessons that need reevaluation.  So, I don’t really think we can we fully understand another’s motivation (or lack thereof).

I am tired of people judging people.  Can we just observe?  Focus on observing the things we like, instead of what we don’t like?  Can we take the focus off the negative?  If we need to make a choice, can we make a healthy choice for ourselves and not a judgement about any thing else?

It creates a wedge between people when they feel like they are being judged.  You miss out on all kinds of loving conversations when you are wrapped up in thinking you are helping by giving your well meaning advise.  Yes, you love the person, but if they didn’t ask your opinion, you are just creating defensiveness and the person will censor parts of their life so they don’t have to hear your judgment.  Create loving conversations and people will willingly share and you can offer ideas and solutions with love.  “Have you tried…  Oh that sounds hard, did you know you might be able to…”  Etc… Or just listen with reverent silence.  Sometimes people find the best answers for themselves after they feel they have been heard.

Maybe, just maybe that person’s soul came here to learn about just what they are learning, to feel that pain or that loss…  Maybe that’s exactly what their soul came here to experience.  Maybe, just maybe, their heartbreak, will break them open and they will do great things with that new knowledge.  I have heard so many stories where someone’s child or sibling died of a disease and the parent or sibling became a doctor or scientist, etc… to help heal that disease.  Adam Walsh went missing in 1981 and his father, John made it his mission to help children from then on.  His show, America’s Most Wanted has found 60 missing children and 1,200 fugitives.   His heart was broken wide open and he used his pain to help many others.

“I  believe there is so much more that we aren’t aware of an a daily basis, that our abilities as human beings are so much vaster than we give ourselves credit for.” ~ Gillian Anderson

Your musings and thought filled comments are welcome.