Monthly Archives: January 2014

Elderly Parents ~ When The Roles Start To Reverse

elderly care

“Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.”  ~  Marie Curie

The last several years I have witnessed my friends caring for their aging parents.  What a hard transition!  Now it seems to be that time for me.   How do you know when to step in?  You want to be respectful of their wants and needs and of their freedom.  You see them struggle and you know you could make their lives easier.  Sometimes they don’t want to let you!

My Mom is the biggest martyr in the Universe, and she won’t let anyone help with my Dad.  I finally said the other day, “Ma!  It would be hard for someone in their 20’s or 30’s to take care of Dad.  You’re 73!  He’s taking years off your life.  Let us help you!”  I think that sunk in a little.

It’s all so weird.  I can see my Mom is terrified of my Dad dying and I can see he is getting scared too.  Neither one of them even talks about the fact that he is going to die soon.  I told my Mom that at least they could talk about it and they probably wouldn’t be so afraid.  She said no, they never do.

It’s so weird the way some couples stay together, even though they act like they hate each other.  They love each other, they hate each other.  They love to hate each other and they hate to love each other.  They wouldn’t have it any other way.  The ‘ol ball and chain.

Even though my Dad is a pain in the ass to my Mom, he’s her pain in the ass and she doesn’t want to loose him.  Here I am after 50 years, still trying to teach them to communicate.  Who’s the crazy one!?  😉

It must be so hard to slowly (or quickly) loose your freedom.  You loose your healthy body, you loose your license, you loose your dignity.  You pee your pants…  You loose your teeth, your eyesight, your hearing.  You loose a lot and you have a lot to loose.

One thing you gain is a lot of wisdom over the years.  I hope that we all remember that the elderly are wise.  They have had a lot of life experience and they have a lot of stories.  Listen some time, they have a lot to share and we should all value the aging population.  They need our love and our hugs and our respect.  We need to hear and learn from their stories, their lessons and understand their perspective.

Maybe people wouldn’t be so afraid of dying if they were always respected and valued in their communities and the lines of communication were more open.  Let’s all work on closing the generation gap.

“If we wish to grow old gracefully we must commence by being young cheerfully.”

~ Marie Corelli


Life, Death & Afterlife?

“The possibility of experiencing a power greater than myself has always been there, knocking on my inner door.” ~ Anne Wilson Schaef                                                                                                                                                                        “I “I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as a plant and rose to animal,
I died as an animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?”   ~ Rumi

I have been thinking about death lately.  There is a lot of it going around…  There  are many beliefs about what happens to our souls when we die.  I have entertained many of them and I have landed on an explanation that I like to believe is true.

I mean, after all, no one can really prove or disprove any of the beliefs around this subject.  We really don’t know.  But, what gives us comfort?  What drives us to be a better person?

After reading a LOT of spirtitual books and hearing a LOT of beliefs, I started pulling together the parts that rang true for me.  I created a whole story out of what I decided to believe.  For one,  I choose to believe in reincarnation.  It feels so real.  Why else would we go through so many lessons, striving to be a better person?  For me, I want my next life to be much easier because I learned these lessons already!   I don’t need outside forces to encourage (or coerce) me to be a better person than I am.  I am my biggest advocate and put the most demands on myself.

I think each life time, we come to learn another theme of lessons.  For example, we might want to learn about compassion.  It may take several lifetimes as we view compassion from several different angles.  One lifetime we may be the abused child and/or wife so that we can rise above the abuse and find compassion. Maybe we go on to fight for the rights and equality or safety of other abused wives and children.  The next life, we may be the abuser and feel what it feels like to be forgiven by our victims or not forgiven and going to jail or getting killed…

I know my life lessons have helped me be a more compassionate massage therapist/spiritual healer because I can identify more with my clients.  They feel safe telling me what is going on because they know I will understand and not judge them.  Their trust is my reward.

I think the spirits are all up there, in varying degrees of healing and evolvement. Each life, we learn more and more important lessons.  That is what it is, lessons.  Not good and evil.  Lessons.  We learn so many different things, but most of all, how to rise up above the pain and trials to find our joy.

I think we are here to find our love, our light and our joy, no matter what the situation is.  I believe the deceased go into some healing place for however long it takes for their soul to recover. Then they go on to lessons to become angels or to have more human lives.  I think each time the spirit gets more evolved and vibrates at higher and higher levels. At some point their vibration is high enough for the capacity to become a guardian angel, life guide or helping spirit of some kind.

I believe we have a higher self and that there are many helping spirits like guardian angels, Reiki Masters, Spirit masters, life guides, soul families, power animals and Divine Archangels.  They are all here waiting to help us.  All we have to do is believe and ask.

I think we all have a soul family, like our earth family and we all take turns supporting each other in different roles for each lifetime.  Some come into human form with us so that we can help each other with our life purposes and lessons and some help us on the ethereal levels, keeping us on track with our journeys as our guides and angels.

This gives me incredible peace of mind to know that I have so much help, love and compassion.  I just have to ask.  Miracles happen every day if you believe.  What do you think life and death are all about?

“If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.”   ~ Kurt Cobain

“I know stuff.  Stuff I shouldn’t.  It scares some people.” ~ Rosie O’Donnell