Monthly Archives: November 2013

I am an Empath

“It is common to express surprise at the unprovoked viciousness of Mortal Man, let us sometimes wonder at their unencouraged Virtue.” ~ Hester Thrale

Sometimes, I feel like I am eating the world’s pain.  There is so much pain, hardship, disaster…  I can’t listen to the news, it makes me sick to my stomach.   I support a lot of people through their sickness and pain.  I know how to put protection around myself.  I am familiar with healthy detachment.  The sheer volume of people’s pain in my circle of loved ones to the global scale sometimes is more than I can carry.  Yes, I believe I am an empath.  Merriam-Webster dictionary says:  “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner…”

It’s hard not to gain weight when you eat the world’s pain!  For that few minutes, the only thing I am thinking of is the chocolate deliciousness     going down my throat and all is well…

Some of us feel so strongly, we have a clear “knowing” around the anguish of whomever we are relating to.  We can physically feel their emotional pain.

I was listening to an interview of Karla McLaren, called The Art of Empathy”, last night.  She was mentioning that boys are raised to keep their emotions in check.  They are not allowed to share or feel a lot of their emotions and then when they get married and their wives want to be able to relate deeply with them, they don’t know how to do it.  “When did the rules change?”, they might ask themselves.   They have been trained to ignore their feelings.

I always feel so exhilarated when I spend a few hours with one of my friends.  We have deep conversations and talk about what’s real.  I feel closer to my friends when we are a safe container for each other to show our real feelings and emotions and we know we will still be loved unconditionally.  Maybe even more so.  I know I feel closer when we can share the harder emotions of anger, fear and sadness without the other person trying to take away true feelings.  How can we get to the bottom of why we are feeling a certain way if we don’t explore the root of the problem?  Every feeling holds meaning.  When we just want to spend all our time with happy thoughts – or pretending happy thoughts, we don’t pick up the hidden messages that our emotions are trying to tell us.  Maybe they are trying to tell us that we need to have healthy boundaries or we are doing more than we can handle.  Maybe underneath, we are afraid of letting people down and loosing their love or respect.

This is not to be confused with finding our happiness and joy.  When we dwell on the drama and the slights that have happened to us, we relive those moments over and over in our brains and our bodies think the event is happening over and over.  Our bodies go into fight or flight over and over.  That’s when we need to breathe and not “sweat the small stuff”.

I am talking about when an emotion keeps coming up and something needs to be unveiled to find the teaching, learn it and move forward.  Then when we find our happiness, it really is true JOY.

“People who know the truth have no business to allow the powers of darkness to silence them on any point that matters.” ~  Marie Stopes


Beautiful and tender moment capturing the McGhee Family.




“It’s not good to see people who have been pretending strength all their lives lose it even for a minute.”  ~ Lillian Hellman

Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with depression very often.  I think it’s a misunderstood dis-ease.  I have come to a new understanding and compassion for people who have to deal with depression as an ongoing illness.  Wow.  I mean, I have been depressed from the sadness of loosing my friend and it’s like moving through mud.  I am not my usual motivated, joyful self and it feels like the blahs.

I am grateful that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I know I have to be gentle with myself as I go through this process.  But, what about my friend and many people like her that deal with depression on a daily basis?  How do they find joy?  How can they accomplish any goals?  It makes me realize how incredibly strong and brave they are when they do get to work or an event, depression and all.

Before, I was thinking, ‘just shake it off, get outside, go for a walk.’  It is so much easier said than done.  I don’t know how best to help our friends and loved ones, but I do know they need to be heard and not judged.  They need to be supported with love and compassion.

I do know that exercise and/or St. John’s Wort are just as successful as drugs for mild depression.  Please get a good doctor and counselor if you suffer from this dis-ease and find a good support system.  Eat well, sleep well, exercise and learn to love/forgive yourself.  I remember hearing that depression is anger turned inwards.  I believe healthy communication is helpful and I believe that some people need the help of medication and therapy.

Please be good to yourselves and know you are loved.  Depression hurts physically, mentally and spiritually.

“On a good day I think I’m a relatively sane person with a few frayed wires.  On a bad day I think, ‘Just lock me up!’.” ~ Rosie O’Donnell

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The Painful Process of Death


“From the unreal lead me to the real.  From darkness lead me to light.  From death lead me to immortality.” ~ The Upanishads

I am so sad.  So sad.  My friend is gone and I am so sad.  My heart is heavy and tears are never far away.  I believe a lot of wonderful things about the after life.  So why am so I sad?

I guess I am sad for me, to be here without her.  I am sad for her, that she had such a hard life.  I am sad for the incredible suffering she went through.  I am sad I couldn’t love her enough to make that pain go away.

Even though I believe in reincarnation and I believe in the spirit world, it’s all about love and light, I am still afraid of death.  How would it be to be physically away from my loved ones?  Not to be able to touch them and tell them I love them?  Not to be able to support them?

I do believe, on the other side, I can still do all these things.  But… can I really?  I believe we all have a soul family, a life guide, guardian angels and archangels looking out for us.  When I die, I would love to be a guardian angel.

Death is such a feared subject.  People don’t want to talk about death.  If aging was more connected to becoming a wise and respected elder, I think more of us would not fear aging.  I think America, in general, is dismissive of the elderly because we don’t want to think about our own demise.

Many of my clients are getting up there in years and they have so many stories.  They are wise historians and advisors.  They have already been through many hardships and they know so much.  They have already learned patience and acceptance.  They have already loved and lost.  They are already facing their declining health and well-being and they face it with grace, humor and acceptance.

I am glad we now host “Celebrations of Life” instead of “Memorial Services”.  I hope we continue to learn to process life and death in more healthy ways and rituals.  My ritual, for when a loved one dies, is to infuse a candle with Reiki and say a prayer.  I send Reiki, love and light to his or her soul. I am hoping to make the transition easier for them to find peace.  I know it makes it easier for me.

“Death does not take the old but the ripe.” ~ Russian proverb